Mistaken emotions
by KlikStar
Summary: When Cloud misreads Zack's acts of friendship and takes a chance it all goes wrong. With a pain too strong to bare he decides that it is time to close the curtain on this stage called life. RATED M - WARNING! - Suicide theme.


**RATED M - WARNING! - WHY? - because it is not a fluffy story, nor is there a happy ending. **

**For anyone who doesn't know I write a 'foursome' saga which is referred to as the Four way split saga. Anyway I have been having trouble with the latest instalment (major re-writing and editing going on) and due to feeling really depressed about it (and other stuff) I took my emotions out on Cloud by writing this oneshot. My apologies in advance because I know some of you are going to feel really ***** after reading this.**

**In short if you don't like death don't read it, and if you do chose to read it and hate it then please don't blame me, remember I did warn you. **

**As always I don't own the characters and would also like to know what people think so please review.**

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**Mistaken emotions**

Cloud stood on the roof of the ShinRa building and looked out towards the horizon, his eyes never leaving the sun as it slowly descend the evening sky. There was a certain sense of peace that only being here could give him. Perhaps it was because it was so hard to access and no one else came here, maybe it was because of the breathtaking view which was spread out before him, or maybe because it was somewhere Zack had brought him. Cloud settled on that thought most, that Zack had shown only him this place, that it was theirs and theirs alone.

He smiled softly to the sky as he thought of the raven haired soldier, of the man he cherished more than anything, dare he say it but the man he loved. Cloud could still remember the first time they had come here, how Zack had brought him to this isolated place and how they had watched the sun set together. A single tear escaped the cadet's damp eyes, sliding gracefully down the curve of a pale cheek until it reached a trembling jaw and left his face, falling soundlessly to the ground below. Cloud looked down at the small drop of water which lay at his feet and wondered if that was how he would look soon. Perhaps not so much a drop of water, but definitely a pool of liquid surrounding a broken body.

A small laugh escaped his lips, but it was not a laugh of joy. The sound became a strangled sob as more tears traced their way down his face and he closed his eyes tightly against the pain which swelled within him. Was he really going to do this, was he really going to let himself fall just as the tears were doing now.

Drawing in a deep breath he looked back towards the horizon and marvelled at the beauty of it all. How the setting sun created colours in the heavens turning the sky various shades of red, orange and yellow as if it was on fire. It saddened Cloud to know that this was would be the last sunset he would see, and strangely it was just like the first one he had watched with Zack.

Thoughts of the soldier made a small smile form on his lips, but the look was pained and reflected the sadness in his heart. Cloud knew he loved Zack, he had always loved him. From the moment they had meet Cloud knew the soldier had stolen his heart, knew he would never feel this way about another person, and painfully knew it could never be. If only it hadn't been for the regulations of ShinRa, for the difference in their ranks, or even the fact Zack was already with someone. That last thought pierced the deepest within Cloud's heart. Yes Zack, his Zack, was already with someone and he was happy.

Cloud hadn't known to start with, when they had met and Zack had become his mentor. He hadn't guessed when they spent so much time training together and hanging out in their spare time. He had been unaware that Zack was just being friends when he had brought Cloud here, that there had been no intention other than to see the homesick cadet smile. Fresh tears fell from his eyes as he thought back to all the times they had come here, how they had watched the sun setting side by side and how Cloud's heart had leapt in his chest at being so near to the soldier. So many times he had told himself it was just a foolish crush, that Zack was just a friend, but so many times his heart had fooled him. Seeing heartfelt looks in the soldier's eyes that weren't really there, feeling touches as more than comforting reassurances and hearing kind words as unspoken confessions of love.

He laughed bitterly to himself now as the weight of his own foolishness pulled down on him. Zack was not his and never would be his, not in the way he wanted. Zack had been a friend, maybe more than a friend, a sort of big brother figure in his world and Cloud knew he had now ruined that for them both. He had taken a chance when there was none, had dared to live a dream which should have never been dreamt, he had exposed his heart only to have it ripped from his body by his own hands. Cloud clutched at the aching muscle in his chest and bit back the cry of despair which wanted to break free. Why? Why had he been so stupid? Why had he gambled with everything that was precious to him, knowing he could lose it so easily?

He fought against the strangled cry which escaped his lips as a painful whimper, the haunting image of him kissing Zack flashing through his mind once more. How the soldier had frozen and pulled away from him, the horrified look in Zack's eyes as they had stared into his own, the stammered apologies which had passed between them until Cloud had turned and run from it all. Even the might General Sephiroth would have been surprised at the speed the cadet had moved, the very wind carrying his feet as he tried to escape his own anguish. So here he was with nowhere else to go, back at the beginning in a way, a full circle about to be completed.

The sun was almost gone now, a faint light in the distance surrounded by a darkening sky. When Cloud looked up he could see the stars beginning to sparkle faintly in the distance, their light being smothered by the lights below him. If he were back home then they would be shining brightly with no lights to diminish their beauty and this only made Cloud's heart ache more. Home, it was a place by name only, having on one there for him except his mother. It had been the same here, having no one ... but Zack, and now he was leaving them both.

Cloud took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He wanted to be calm for this, wanted to be free of it all now, to stop hiding from his pain and embrace it. He took the hurt and wrapped it around himself tightly, drawing it deep within his body to fuel his damaged heart. He focused his eyes on the horizon one last time, smiling faintly as a bird flew by, and then he was moving. His feet travelled across the rooftop seamlessly, increasing in pace as they neared the edge, and then with one last push against the hard surface the cadet was airborne. Cloud stretched his arms forward as he sailed through the sky, small youthful hands reaching out towards the last rays of sunshine, his body spreading wide to feel the wind as it rushed past.

It didn't feel like falling to the cadet, nor did it feel like he was flying, in truth it was more like a sense of freedom. Cloud closed his eyes as the horizon became lost from his view, his body dropping like a stone towards the earth. He felt no pain when the impact came, there was already so much of it in his heart anyway, but at least now he could have peace.

The first people to find him were a couple of soldiers on patrol. They couldn't work out where he had come from, his body a broken and bloodied mess on the floor. They had reported it immediately and more superior officers had arrived to take over the investigation. No one spoke as the cadet was covered over, no one reached out for him as he was carried away. But amongst the crowd a raven haired soldier looked to the sky and felt his heart break for the fallen Cloud.


End file.
